Life Of A Blogger is hosted by Jessi of Novel Heartbeat. It is a way that we can let our readers know a little more about us outside of our blogs.
So I'm currently staring at the topic for today and I was hoping that the answer would just pop magically into my head. But no it hasn't.
Ten years ago I had plans, I was happy and in love and ready to start college and eventually make my way to law school and eventually marry my high school sweetheart. Well that didn't happen. Ever since then, I've had problems committing to a career, going as far as changing my major more times than I care to admit. Ideally I'd love to be a writer & also open a cat sanctuary for abandoned & abused cats. Realistically, my plans are to move out of my mom's house and into my own house.
But to even do that, I have to get a job. It's hard to break into the workforce after a long time of attending school & not working. I have been turned down for 3 jobs since I started looking. It's frustrating and heartbreaking and it makes me feel crappy about myself. I know that it shouldn't, but it does. It makes me feel like I'm not good enough. I've had that feeling often enough in my personal life that I don't ever want to feel that way again.
Of course, given that today is Valentine's Day, I want to make more room in my heart for love.I have a very frustrating habit of self-destructing in relationships and running away so fast that it would make your head spin. My plan was always to be married by age 30. As it stands right now, someone would literally have to fall in my lap right now for that to happen.
Last year at this time, I had reconnected romantically with my high school sweetheart (we had remained friends for the last 10 years) I was happy and hopeful for our future together, but of course I panicked and left the relationship. There was nothing about him I didn't like. He was perfect on paper, but I was terrified to screw up again.
So I guess you could say that my plans for now are to get a job, stop running away from love and move out of my mom's house. Decent goals & plans but ones that I had hoped I would have managed years ago. But I guess, now is better than never right?
So what are your plans for the future?
It takes a lot of courage to write a post like this, one that is intensely personal! I too always dreamed of going to law school and for lack of a better path I stuck with it. I will graduate with my JD in May. It's been hard because I've applied at a ton of places but have yet to hear back. I also realized, over the last 3 years, that I don't want to practice traditional law. I want to work in publishing or contracts doing writing stuff, because I really haven't enjoyed Law School...like at all.
ReplyDeleteI think this time in our lives is a struggle because you have to find a job, figure out what you want to do, and all the while also find yourself. I think this could be one reason you're running from relationships. Once you figure out who you are, what you want, and get settled you'll be more open to finding that special someone. I've gone out on like 6 first dates so far this year. Every single date I've found something I disliked about the guy. After a while I figured out that it's me sabotaging the dates because I don't want the commitment. Maybe it's something similar for you?
If you ever want to chat my twitter is @fallingforya!